The post initially published in May 2019:
Dear All,
After nearly 2 years of court proceedings and numerous appeals fighting for parental rights I have earned being the father I have had been for 8 years I managed to revoke scandalous, gender bias, discriminatory and nonchalant decision of judge Pascale DUMONG from the Luxembourg Family Court (Référé – Divorce No. 373/2017, Oct. 31st, 2017). I recovered my rights as a father to raise my two sons.
I would like to thank you all for the support, kind words and encouragement during the mentioned time. I will always remember this.
It took 20 months to recover my parental rights. Rights not only to visit with my children every 2nd weekend but to raise them, to look after them as I did before separation with my ex-wife.
Judge DUMONG confirmed in her decision that both, myself and my ex-wife were loving parents, that we had strong relationship with our sons and we were equally capable of raising our children. It was also unquestionable for judge DUMONG that both parents should keep equally distributed parental authority. Still, judge DUMONG argued in her decision that it was my ex-wife whom the boys should live with and I was to be awarded with only « visiting rights » to see my sons every 2nd weekend. Why?
Although, we are talking about decision taken in 2017 in Luxembourg, the heart of Europe, it was decided this way because apparently this is how it has always been in Luxembourg. Mothers get legal custody and residency of the children (MEANING: all financial benefits including family allocation, tax favorable treatment, eligibility for other financial aids etc.) and fathers only the right to visit with his children every 2nd weekend. A backward ideological approach that can be easily put back to the 1950’s or the 60’s of the last century.
The society in Luxembourg and western Europe has gone through significant changes in the past 30 years and the roles of fathers and mothers are no longer defined the way they were in the past. Unfortunately, Luxembourg Family Courts and majority of the judges in Luxembourg are often completely immune to these facts.
Judge DUMONG’s decision from 5 December 2017 separated me from my children for 20 months, denied my sons their natural right to equal access to both parents and violated my human rights to family life.
Judge DUMONG argued in her written closing statement I did not deny that my ex-wife cooked and did homework with our children. Not sure where the arguments came from as never discussed in court. Secondly, my sons attending Luxembourg public school in Strassen did not have homework that they would be sent home with.
What I personally consider as invented arguments were enough for the judge DUMONG to decide as follow:
page 4 / paragraph 6 (Référé – Divorce No. 373/2017, Oct. 31st, 2017):
“He does not deny that it is the mother who does homework with the children and prepares meals, and therefore it is necessary to take into account the fact that the mother is in this case a person raising the two children.”
One thing is to allow personal toxic gender bias ideology to overshadow objectivity of a judgment another thing is to be a judge of a Family Court and to actually put such statement on paper in 2017 and then present it as judicial decision. Cooking and doing homework (regardless if true or not) is apparently the definition of parenthood for judge DUMONG.
Judge DUMONG’s “temporary decision” lasted 20 months! and only the main divorce decision of judge Alexandra HUBERTY from 16 May 2019 introducing Equal Résidence Alternée ended separation from my sons and stopped violation of numerous internationally recognized legal instruments including:
The last 2 years can only be described as a trip to hell and back. Emotionally, physically and financially. The same journey many parents, mostly fathers take when divorcing and fighting for parental rights in Luxembourg. Unfortunately, this is the reality in Luxembourg and many countries in most if not all EU members states including USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, UK.
My case proved that things are possible but not everyone has the time, financial means, perseverance, strength and supporting people around not to give up. Ever since my sons were denied equal access to both parents and after seeing what went on in court I had no other choice but to reach out to everyone I could addressing violation of children’s rights and exposing gender-parental inequality in Luxembourg institutions.
I contacted Luxembourg politicians, lawyers, judges, Luxembourg Prime Minster, Minister of Justice, Minister of Equal Rights between Women and Men, Amnesty International, Minister of Family and Children’s Rights Organizations. Wrote to all 60 Luxembourg Parliament Members, Luxembourg EU Parliament Members, the President of the Luxembourg Parliament and his Deputies, judges from the Luxembourg Family Court, newspapers, TV, non-profit organizations including Rosa (Luxembourg LGBTI). Met with political parties and other influential figures in Luxembourg. I was laughed at for protesting on the streets of Luxembourg and outcast professionally for using social media in every possible way to expose hypocrisy of the judicial system. Finally, I have created FAD – Fathers Against Discrimination asbl “Both Parents for All Children” and had 3 lawyers.
After this and spending over €40,000 I recovered my parental rights to raise my children. Yet the main issue remains. Despite changes in the Luxembourg Civil Code introduced on November 1st, 2018, described and presented to the public as “revolutionary”, Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée is still not THE DEFAULT LAW and rarely introduced in Luxembourg. The legislators and judges in most cases ignore the evidence provided by over 40 years of empirical studies, scientific conclusions and consensus among internationally recognized psychologists confirming that « One Main Residency » or « Tender Years Doctrine » theory IS NOT the best option for children after separation and divorce of parents. The consensus among specialists based on over 40 years of empirical studies confirms that Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée is the best possible model bringing emotional stability to the children during separation and after divorce of the parents.
All I heard in court during nearly two years of custody proceedings that everything was being done in the best interest of my sons. Yet, although there was no reason but ideological it was decided to separate them from one of the parents. It took 18 months and my older son’s letter sent to court for the children’s attorney to be appointed to finally allow the children to express their needs. My older son sent the letter because we had no other choice. Despite overwhelming evidence children’s needs were completely disregarded throughout the initial process.
It should leave everyone speechless that a 10 year old boy needs to write to a family judge asking for his and his younger brother’s rights to be respected and considered by the Luxembourg Family Court. Undisputed evidence provided to the courts did not matter. The evidence was treated is it was not read or even existed. We live in Luxembourg and not in a 3rd world country where it is not possible to create legal structure that does not violate children’s natural rights to access to both parents. Unfortunately, this is what families, mostly fathers face in in Luxembourg.
If gender bias approach and simple inability to look beyond toxic ideology does allow judges of the Luxembourg Family Cours to follow logic children’s attorney should have been appointed in the very beginning of the custody proceedings and not after my sons have been separated from me for 18 months. Immediate contact between children of 4 years and older with their attorney after separation of parents should be mandatory. Considering how long some custody proceedings take this should be one of the first measures introduced. Mainly for the purpose of reducing the risk for the residential parent to use children as an instrument of blackmail against the other parent. Brainwashing that in severe cases can lead to Parental Alienation, a subtle form of child abuse.
Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée should become THE DEFAULT LAW and a starting point of all custodies as children should not be involved in custody proceedings. Asking children if they love their parents or which parent they would like to live with creates conflict of loyalty and is detrimental to their emotional stability in an already stressful situation such as separation of their parents. Children are the victims of parents’ decisions and should not be asked to resolve a problem adults have created. Yet, their natural right of access to both parents must be considered superior to any ideological toxic agenda.
It is true that after judge HUBERTY’s divorce ruling from 16 May 2019 and introduction of Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée with my ex-wife, who initially opposed to the idea, not filling for stopped refusing to agree to sharing responsibility and privilege of raising our sons together. That itself with the Référé hearing held shortly after judge HUBERTY’s decision by judge RISCHETTE allowed immediate introduction of the week to week Equal Résidence Alternée in the best interest of the children. The right decision taken but a decision that was delayed by 2 years.
The result of the proceedings is far from victory. It is sad and disappointing. As a matter of fact it is most likely a defeat for everyone and a grand failure of the Luxembourg Family Legal System. Unnecessary tragic experience resulting in children having to carry emotional scar incurred during the process for the rest of their lives. Me and my ex-wife have failed as marriage but the live continues, especially the life of our sons. Despite of the relationship between the parents, conflict or no conflict children should be permitted with access to both parents with the main objective to protect their emotional stability.
Not every conflict is bad but unresolved conflict between parents in a form of an unhealed wound is detrimental to emotional stability of children often with negative impact on their future. The decision of judge Alexandra HUBERTY from May 2019 confirmed by judge Marielle RISCHETTE in June 2019 reunited me with my sons.
The result of my fight unfortunately exposed judge DUMONG who in my personal view failed her roles as a residing judge of the Luxembourg Family Court. No one knows how much damage this judge have done to Luxembourg children and families. Her gender bias, ideologically driven and scandalous template approach violated the rights of my sons for family life and equal access to both parent. Judge DUMONG proved her detachment from reality and the case itself exposed inefficiency and parental-gender discriminatory practices of the Luxembourg Judicial System.
A child should never be deprived of his natural human right to family life and equal access to both parents. Nor does anyone have the right to decide which of his parents’ love has more value.
In 2015 Council of Europe voted on CE Resolution 2079/15 calling all EU member states to introduce 50/50 Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée as a base for Family Law and a rule. So far, FAD – Fathers Against Discrimination asbl has been unable to obtain explanation from the current Luxembourg government why after 5 years from the European Council vote, Luxembourg Parliament has still not voted on the Resolution calling for gender-parental equality in Luxembourg institutions.
The reasons behind the non-vote of the Luxembourg Parliament on the Council of Europe Resolution – CE Resolution 2079/15 remain a mystery, especially since the Resolution was initiated in 2015 by Ms. Françoise HETTO-GAASCH, Luxembourg politician (CSV), former Minister of Equal Opportunities between Woman & Men, past and present member of the Luxembourg Parliament.
Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée should be THE DEFAULT LAW in Luxembourg and a starting point for all custody proceedings, not just an option and a subject of mother’s approval.
The model reduces conflict between the parents. Interestingly enough it is the conflict between the parents or objection of one of the parents that judges consider as the main arguments not to introduce Résidence Alternée more often. This itself shows how little judges voicing such opinions educate themselves and learn what it truly means to act in the best interest of children. Personal convictions and toxic ideological believes should never overshadow judge’s wisdom, objectivity and knowledge.
Good news is that judge Pascale DUMONG no longer resides in Family Courts in Luxembourg and decides about the future of Luxembourg children. There are unfortunately other judges that need convincing including judge Christiane RECKINGER from the Luxembourg Court of Appeal whose gender bias decisions should discomfort anyone who cares for the well being of Luxembourg children.
Judges of the Luxembourg Family Court are the chosen group of individuals deciding every day about children’s future and their well-being. Following the changes in the Luxembourg Civil Code introduced on November 1st, 2018 Luxembourg the judges have a legal instrument in their hands to do the right thing. Article 378-1 of the Luxembourg Civil Code allows immediate introduction of Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée but the model is not a rule and rarely introduced in Luxembourg.
Please continue to support FAD – Fathers Against Discrimination asbl and learn why Equal Shared Parenting – Résidence Alternée is the most efficient model protecting children after separation of their parents. Please visit www.FAD.lu. Help us protect Luxembourg children. Support our cause by DONATING and sign our Petition. Thank you. Lët’z STAY UNITED.
Father.
PS More information about the above mentioned decision and examples of other gender bias outrageous rulings from the Luxembourg Family Court can be found HERE.
Last but not least, if you are to separate and plan to divorce do your best to settle as many outstanding issues as possible with your partner before going to court. Most importantly stay away from lawyers as long as possible. Just trust me on this.
